Tuesday, February 26, 2008


Oh sorry! I must have dropped off.

Finding it very difficult to fit everything that I want to do into the day at the moment, mostly because I just feel useless a lot of the time. Not at all sure how I'll fit it all in when I have a child to look after too. Doesn't bear thinking about.

Had a much more productive weekend just gone than the one before. Apart from nearly fainting on the way to the beach, that is. I'm quite prone to fainting anyway. I blacked out on the tube a couple of times in London and had to ask people I couldn't see to let me have the seat, or blindly feel my way off the tube and to a bench in the station I could just about make out through the fur growing on my eyeballs. I was so sure that the heat in Australia would get to me and I'd be fainting all the time but it's been far less of a problem since I've been living here. In fact, I don't think it's happened at all. Until Saturday.

For those of you who've never fainted before, this is how it feels. You kind of go all hot and feel a bit weird and weak. Your vision goes funny. Sometimes it's like streaks of white lights but more often than not it's a few black dots. They appear in front of your eyes and they just keep appearing and taking over your vision until eventually you can't see anything. Once you get a breath, or manage to sit down for a while they start to disappear again but if you stand up again before they've all gone, they start to come back again. Meanwhile a similar thing happens to your hearing. Gradually it just becomes muffled. Your skin feels kind of fluffy and strange. If you don't sit or lie down then soon you experience total sensory deprivation. You can't hear, see or feel anything.

Twice I've collapsed whilst in this state. The first time was the very first time I passed out and I didn't know what was happening. I was 9 years old and thought I was in bed dreaming. Then I thought "if I'm in bed, why am I standing up?" and I relaxed all of my muscles and collapsed. The second time was the last summer I lived in London. I was trying to get out of a crowded bar because I knew I needed fresh air. Sitting on a bar stool hadn't helped at all in this case. That's the weird thing, sometimes you can actually faint when you're already sitting down. This has happened to me on the tube too. I was trying to get out of the bar but because I couldn't see I kept bumping into people. I had no control over my muscles and eventually I fell on the floor. Sometimes it takes a lot of concentration not to collapse.

On Saturday Toby persuaded me it wouldn't be too hot to ride our bikes to the beach, despite the fact it was predicted to get to 36C. We didn't go as early as we usually would as we were meeting Andrei and Kaz for a coffee at 10am. It can be a nightmare driving as we get a lot of tourists on hot days. So I agreed. Stupid! A 15 minute ride took us 45 minutes. Half-way there I started to pass out and had to stop and rest three times. Eventually we ended up walking. At one point I just sat down and cried in frustration that my body wouldn't do what I wanted it to do. I just wanted to jump in the ocean and cool down and yet it seemed so far away. I think the heat had more to do with it than pregnancy but that on its own I probably could have coped with. By the way, it eventually got to over 38C!!! Toby ended up getting a lift home with Andrei and bringing the car back for me and the bikes.

Generally I'm feeling quite useless. I'm sort of getting things done at work but when it comes to exercise and domestic stuff I'm rubbish. I just can't be bothered. The tiredness comes and goes. We had friends over on Saturday night and at 10.30pm I got up and announced I was going to bed. I would never have done that before I was pregnant but I just couldn't stay awake any longer. I was amazed I managed to do as much as I did at the weekend actually; shopping, washing, vacuuming and mopping and a fair bit of socialising.

This not telling people business is very hard. It's easy at work but we feel like we're frauds when we're with friends. I think I'm going to tell my yoga friends soon because it's harder to hide it there. We're seeing the obstetrician on Monday so if all goes well at that meeting we'll probably tell the yoga gang on Monday night.

By the way, I'm now 7 weeks pregnant and the sprog has a heartbeat even though its heart is only the size of a poppy seed. That amazes me. It's actually possible to detect the heartbeat at this stage. The sprog is still a bit of an alien-like blob and measures about 5mm but by the end of the week it will have almost tripled in size. It'll also have developed arms and hands... but not quite fingers. It has all of its internal organs - not very well developed mind you but still, it amazes me how quickly this all happens.

I'm getting fat. Not sure why. Trying not to dwell on it. I'm not putting on a lot of weight so I'm not too worried. I think I could be bloated. I do seem to suffer from wind in the evening. Right-oh, back to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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