Thursday, February 14, 2008

Friday, 8th February, 2008, 6:44 AM

OH! MY! GOD! Oh my god!!!! Ohmigod!

Day 32. Lay awake for ages last night wondering if I was pregnant. Woke up. Did a test. I am. TOTALLY freaked out! I was not expecting that at all. Last month I was expecting it and was all prepared. I was quite excited about the prospect of telling people. This month, I've settled back into NKPM (No kids, party mode) and am so not ready. I've been like this for the last two years. One moment I'll be all "we're on this earth to procreate; the biggest gift a woman can give is the gift of life, and besides, aren't babies cute?"; the next I'd be "yeh, plenty of time for all that, whatever". I think I'm in "whatever" mode, only now it's "ohmygod" mode.

It's not official yet. I mean it looked pretty conclusive on the wee stick. I'm experienced in these things now you see, having done a test last month that was conclusively negative. But I still need a doctor to confirm it. I don't have a doctor. I don't really understand the health system over here to be honest. I have a couple of doctors I've seen before that I could go back to. One is a guy near where I used to live; the other is a nice private clinic near my physiotherapist, where I could probably request a female doctor. I wonder if it's really necessary to request a female doctor. There's a practice over the road from here. I might just try and get into there.

Oh my god. How am I supposed to concentrate at work today? This week has been hard enough; now I'm absolutely knackered and all tumbly inside. I have to go to a party tonight and not tell anyone. I'll be in a room full of people who are not unknown for asking if Toby and I are "trying" (Toby can be. Snigger) and I can't say anything because a) I haven't quite come to terms with it myself yet and b) I can't tell them before I've told Mam and Dad and Clare and Lucie and Toby's family (not necessarily in that order, you understand).

I have to go now.... I can't really think of anything more to say on the matter. Oh, but I worked out that I think the baby (Aaaarrrrggghhhh, struggling a bit with that word. And the P word. And the M word) is due on October 14th. And I'll be safe to travel by the time my UK trip comes round. So many things to think about.

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