Saturday, June 28, 2008

Ug (week 8-9)

I'm so sick of morning sickness, so goddam bored with it. I was starting to feel a bit better on Wednesday. I even went to the gym that night (big milestone, most exciting). For a split second I thought, "oh no! What if the bean has died?" then I realised that I still felt pregnant. Then I thought, "oh no! But that's what happened last time," and then realised that last time I didn't really start feeling better until after we'd found out the bean had died. And then I thought, "stop being so bloody stupid. You can't possibly know what's going on in there and there's not much you can do about it anyway so just CHILL OUT and enjoy not feeling like shite," which I did and started looking forward to our meal out on Friday night for mother-in-law's 60th birthday and planning what I might have.

But by the time Friday came around I was feeling like shite again and had a stonking headache all day. Work hurt, especially in the morning when it took me a while to get my thinking going. I was horribly embarrassed to have to go to a meeting with the design agency and ask questions about what on earth was in their heads when they designed the website this way. I felt stupid and struggled to get my thoughts in order. Thankfully, it turned out that the design agency weren't really that clever either, so when I said, "why did you develop it this way? It seems the only way you can change the image on the homepage now is by using server-side code to dynamically change the background image in the style sheet!" to which the design agency replied, "yes, that's exactly how we envisaged it working", to which I opened and closed my mouth a few times like goldfish thinking, "and how much did we pay these people?"

Sorry for the tech ramble there. I've been enveloped in it this week and now I have to get my thoughts together for Richard's return on Tuesday, bearing in mind that I've to be kind to him because he'll be bereaved and jet-lagged. Being organised feels just ever so slightly beyond my capabilities at the moment.

So I muddled through dinner, struggling to find something I fancied on the menu, massaging my poor head (which is now sore and bruised from the massage) and downing water like it was going out of fashion. I was saved by any potential pregnancy speculation over avoiding alcohol as my sore head was an excellent reason to do so. I think my mother-in-law suspected anyway as she grilled me as to what could possibly be causing my headache, and when I responded tiredness and stress she wanted to know what had made me tired and stressed. Work, I told her then reminded her of Richard's absence and the project. I had intended to indulge in a glass of celebratory bubbly but couldn't even manage that as my head got worse as the night went on, not helped by the fat lady with the loud voice and shrill laugh on the table behind us. In the end no one bothered. My brother-in-law was even worse off than I, having caught a horrible stomach bug from his toddler. He ended up running off to the toilets and vomiting and didn't manage to eat any of his dinner. I kept my distance. A stomach bug is the last thing I could do with at the moment. They left early and apparently both he and my sister-in-law spent the night throwing up. Nice.

Today hasn't been too bad. I bought a maternity bra because I have very few bras that currently fit me. I still haven't sorted out the massive pile of clothes on the bedroom chair, or those that have been sitting in the spare room since we moved in seven months ago. Tomorrow will do. I did prepare a couple of walls for slapping some sample paint onto though. Might try the first coat tonight so I can do the second coat in daylight tomorrow.

We also told my parents today. I arranged to phone them this morning rather than tomorrow night so that we could tell Toby's family this weekend. I told them I'd had an exciting week then rushed off to find the ultrasound print out. When I held it up to the camera Mam yelped, "I knew it! As soon as you said you'd had an exciting week, I knew it." I'm about to send my sister an SMS before she meets Dad for a coffee. It's a naff way to tell her but she's difficult to get over the phone. Mam and Dad are very excited and already talk has begun about when they will come over next year and whether Toby and I will make it over next July/August for a wedding reception/meet-the-baby party. Toby spent the day with his dad and really wanted to tell him about the baby but I thought it would be much nicer to tell his mum and dad at the same time. We'll probably tell them at breakfast tomorrow.

Anyway, I should go find myself some food. Toby and I are having real meal issues at the moment. He's on a bowel cleanse diet and I'm just getting really sick of having to eat the foods he can eat. I just want some simple comfort food like pasta or cottage pie. Toby thinks I have a yeast infection too because apparently they make you want to eat comfort food. And pregnancy doesn't? I do have a yeast infection on my skin though so he could be right but I'm not really sure what I can do about it whilst I'm trying to eat the right stuff for the baby and keep my energy levels up. Toby has found it difficult enough to get good advice so I'm not sure how I could get advice on dealing with a yeast infection in pregnancy. It's hard to diagnose and when Toby talked to our GP he kind of poo-pooed it a bit as there isn't much medical evidence of the existance of it or how it can be controlled by diet. He thinks it's all just the latest hype. He could be right. Remember a few years ago when everyone had a wheat allergy?

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