Heartbeat

This is such an exciting day.

I had my appointment with the obstetrician this morning. I was so nervous. Even Toby was feeling a bit funny about things because of the association we had with the office and the doctor. We didn't have to wait long, which was good and we were led into the room where we'd heard the bad news last time. They told me that they'd do the scan straight away. It's just as well really as it would have been pointless checking my blood pressure beforehand. I could have told them it was through the roof.

It was an internal scan. Not a fantastic experience but not bad at all. At this stage the fetus is too small to see from a regular abdominal scan. I could barely bring myself to look at the screen. Then the doctor started teasing us. He showed me my bladder and told me it was full. He said he couldn't do the scan and I'd have to come back next week. Having just given a urine sample I was suspicious but pregnancy does seem to ensure you have a constant supply of wee. Toby suggested I go to the toilet. "Are you teasing us?" I asked the doctor. He laughed and showed us the pregnancy, as he calls it, then pointed out the fetus and the movement which indicates a heartbeat. He'd seen it all in an instant before he'd started teasing us. It must have flashed on the screen when I wasn't looking. I'm amazed that he could just glance at it and know that everything was okay.

It's not much to look at. It's a 1.2cm long bean-shaped blob which could really turn into anything, but seeing the heartbeat was amazing. We heard it too, racing along at 158 beats per second. A lovely, strong heartbeat. I realise that things could still go wrong and I'm still pretty anxious. If it does go wrong now it'll probably be even harder to deal with. Seeing the bean and it's little beat on the screen has made me all the more attached to it. I even have a photograph. My first photograph of my little bean.

The size was consistent with the dates. It's 7 weeks and 4 days old and due to be born on 5th February 2009. My next appointment is in 4 weeks.

Can you believe I had to come to work after that? I just wanted to go home and phone everyone I know. I feel a bit better about telling people now and can't wait to tell my mam and dad... if they aren't reading this and don't already know. Even if they are they need to have the formal notification and so that they don't guess I'm going to wait until my regular Skype chat with them on Sunday and show them the photograph.

I'm so relieved.