Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Six weeks and queasy

I hit the six week mark today and the nausea has set in. I could almost date my pregnancy by it. I'm struggling through work with my bad back and queasiness. I don't know if I'll make it through the day. I'm also feeling a bit apprehensive about the weekend especially the car and ferry journey. I can see I'll probably end up telling a couple of close friends that I'm pregnant in order to explain how I'm feeling and why I'm not drinking or up to doing much. On the other hand keeping active might make me feel better.

I really hope my back is sorted by then or the journey could be tricky. I might take my hot water bottle just to make sure I can stay warm at night. Although it could be dangerous filling it from a saucepan.

I am eating often (I'd say little and often but I had a huge breakfast which probably wasn't a wise idea) to keep the nausea at bay. I think I will take lots of water crackers with me this weekend. I definitely feel pregnant now. It's just amazing how it kicks in at exactly six weeks. I think this happened last time too. I'd been feeling fine nausea-wise up until now and was hoping I could get away with a fairly easy sickness-free pregnancy this time. Just so long as I'm not vomiting. Unlike the damn cat. There are four dirty yellow stains on our lounge carpet now and I've lost many hours scrubbing the floor when I should have been resting my back. Why does he have to vomit on the carpet when there are so many tiles in the house? It must be a cat thing. My cat, Dylan, who lives with my mother, apparently does the same thing.

I've noticed when I get up in the night to go to the toilet my boobs are particularly sore. Through the day they're not too bad especially when I'm wearing a bra.

Every now and again I keep thinking "oh my god, we're having a baby," and then I try and imagine what it will be like. But I don't want to dwell on it too much in case it doesn't happen. I think that there is no way I could lose this pregnancy and not be devastated. It's awful going through these feelings of nausea to get nothing in return, knowing if you want to have a baby you have to go through it all again. The sense of loss is quite surprising given you never really had the thing in the first place, just the promise of it. I keep thinking that it's unlikely it'll happen to me again but in actual fact the chances are exactly the same. It's hard to believe it's really happening but that wouldn't make it any easier to deal with if it didn't. So I'm excited but apprehensive. Everything seems to be making me apprehensive at the moment.

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