Gigantic lentil burger is just asking for heartburn

I have just consumed an incredibly messy gargantuan lentil burger with fries. I usually bring my own lunch as it's quite difficult (and expensive) choosing something to eat from the uni cafes, especially when last week's ante-natal class is still so fresh in my mind (no soft cheese, don't eat salad that's been sitting out, no sprouts, be wary of ham, no salami, no undercooked eggs or meat of any description, no cold shellfish... those nurses are damn spoilsports, the lot of them).

Anyway, I figured I'd be reasonably safe with a lentil burger but as AJ is getting bigger I am having to eat less, something the part of my brain that controls my hand to mouth mechanism has yet to come to terms with. Consequently I frequently suffer from heartburn. Apparently this is normal in pregnancy (due to progesterone making the esophagus lazy) and isn't of any concern. Oh well, that's alright then. My current remedy is a glass of milk and a teaspoon of bi-carb of soda dissolved in water. The milk doesn't really do anything; it soothes the burn on the way down and makes the bi-carb taste nicer. I don't have any bi-carb at work with me though. And the only milk in the fridge is full cream which I prefer not to drink by the glass. So I shall just have to suffer and it will serve me right for being such a gutso.

I scored at the pool today. There was another pregnant lady there and we ended up in the changing rooms together. I was eyeing up her one-piece enviously so I asked if it was a maternity swimsuit (which it kind of had to be given the size of her) and when she said it was I asked where she got it, to which she replied "the UK; I bought it when I was pregnant the first time. We moved here when I was 7 months pregnant."

"Oh!" I said. "I'm really missing the UK shops at the moment."

"Well, you can have it in 10 weeks. In fact you can have all my maternity clothes. I have loads. I have clothes from here and from the UK and I'm sick of the sight of all of them. I never want to wear them again. And I won't. I'm in a rush but here's my number."

Bo Nus!