Thursday, July 31, 2008

Uterus fascination (week 13-14)

Yes, I am fascinated by my uterus. After testing it for its palpability a couple of weeks ago I sort of forgot about it for a while but over the last week I started to feel it at night. It is sometimes a bit of an uncomfortable feeling, like I'm aware that it is there, and the growing and stretching sensation is becoming much more pronounced.

It has also grown visibly. Whilst it's not noticeable when I'm wearing clothes (no bump yet), when my tummy is bare it there is an obvious roundness to it just above my pubic bone. I know this is not flab. There is flab as well, a layer of it sitting above my uterus, just below my belly button, but I am definitely a different shape now. Even Toby has been able to see and feel it.

I am absolutely fascinated by it and I think Toby is too. It's just amazing to think we can now see and feel the little cocoon that our baby is growing in. According to What to Expect When You're Expecting, my uterus is the size of grapefruit.

Despite all this I am obviously managing to hide my pregnancy well. The same colleague who asked if I had lost weight last week today said to me, "You look like you're getting thinner by the week. Are you sure you haven't lost any weight?" Well, I weighed myself this morning and I am slowly putting on weight but not really very much at all. I think I have lost weight since I was first pregnant but it must just be muscle as I certainly haven't been eating any less. In fact most days I snack like mad. I don't think I have anything to worry about but it is a little disconcerting to hear such comments at a time when I'm supposed to be putting weight on. However, it is only one person who has made them. It was so tempting to tell her that I was pregnant. We were alone in the toilets and she's very easy to talk to. She's probably about my mam's age and has daughters my age. But I've decided that my director must be the first person to know, followed by my line manager and I'll probably tell them next week.

I have actually already told Richard but I've sworn him to secrecy. I took Monday off work after exhausting myself by spending the weekend painting our kitchen and living room. We're in the middle of the website project so I called him on his mobile to make sure there wasn't anything I should be getting on with. Then I told him the news so that he could understand if I was a bit useless during the release next Monday morning. Poor guy. I told him to temper his reaction so no one would ask what I'd said, so all he could say in response was "oh really?". It was much easier than whispering it to him in the office though. Thankfully we ran into each other on the way into work the next day and he said a proper congratulations and then reciprocated with a secret of his own, but I'm not telling what that was.

I'm still a bit unsure about how to approach the issue with my director. I know she'll be really pleased for me but I'd like to consider the option of working part-time. Only the ladies on the reception desk work part-time at the moment and a few years ago a colleague, who went on maternity leave before I joined, requested part-time work on return and was refused. It's possible the director would consider it with me. She was quite new when this other girl left and she probably hadn't had a chance to prove herself, whereas I've been an integral part of the team for almost five years now. So, do I raise the issue immediately I tell her I'm pregnant, saying something along the lines of, "I would like to know what my options are; is there a chance of returning part-time?" or do I let the news sink in and then ask about part-time work at a later date? Do I make sure part-time work is what I want to do before I even raise the issue? I just can't imagine wanting to come back full-time when I have a baby.

I am entering a much nicer phase of pregnancy now. Whilst I've been really tired this week I'm really not feeling that nauseous at all and it's lovely to be able to tell people and talk about it openly. I have held back a bit though as some very important family members, my Dad's parents and my Mam's sister, Barbara, still don't know. I was going to tell them last week but my computer broke so I couldn't call them. This week I've just been too knackered and Gran and Grandpa have been on holiday. It just seems wrong telling other people when they don't know. Also, according to which book you read, we are out of the woods and into the scrub with regards to risk of miscarriage. Apparently, 80-98% of miscarriages (depending on the source of information) occur within the first 13 weeks. I'm now into week 14. I have read (but taken with a pinch of salt as I have been unable to verify the figures) that the risk of miscarriage reduces from 15% in the first trimester to between 2 and 5% in the second trimester. Obviously it's an entirely different experience and much more traumatic but it's wonderful to know that the odds are now firmly in our favour. Fingers crossed for the next six months.

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