Before I had kids...

Before I had kids I used to hear people say "before I had kids I used to ... [insert activity of choice, e.g. dive, windsurf, snorkel, travel, read a lot of books, go camping, have friends over for dinner etc.]"

I always took this to mean that you have to give up your passions when you have children because its inconvenient, difficult to organise, hard to do without babysitters, there are too many other more mundane things to be done.

I thought this was a really sad state of affairs and I was determined to figure out ways to keep my passions alive post-children, including, getting a boat-sized sailboard so my kids could learn to sail on it (not because I'm a rubbish windsurfer and need a large board for stability. That wasn't the reason at all. Although it is convenient to be able to drop your sail and sit down for a little rest when it all gets too much.)

What I didn't realise was that whilst occasionally you might see a photo of you doing said activity (case in point: photo of me and Toby windsurfing just popped up on my digital photo frame) and think, "wow, I miss doing that, that was fun". And you might then go on to think about how you might do that activity over the coming weeks. And you might very soon ditch the thought because it is an organisational nightmare and it is hard to do without babysitters (and it's especially difficult when you have to wait for the weather to do the right thing too). Despite all that you don't actually really miss said activity. And it's not just because you're so busy doing all the other mundane things that you never had to do. Although you are. It's because your life is full of other things. I mean really full. Full to bursting. Windsurfing, diving, travelling, they're all really nice things but personally I'm happy to put it all on hold to spend every evening singing Old MacDonald with Phoebe at bathtime.

More on weaning: record 45 hours since last breastfeed

We're on the home run.

After my last post on weaning Phoebe flicked between one, two and three feeds for a few weeks, but mostly two feeds: morning and evening.

About two or three weeks ago we dropped the morning feed and she started having just one feed, either when we first got home from daycare (or wherever) or after her bath, but generally between 4.30pm and 6.30pm.

Some days were harder than others. She'd want to feed mid morning if we were at home, or she'd have her afternoon feed and then still want a bedtime feed. Some days she'd quite happily have a biscuit and a cup of milk after her bath and others she'd angrily push the cup away from me.

Yesterday was the first day she didn't breastfeed at all. I don't expect that we are finished for good, especially as just three mornings ago she woke at 3.30am and demanded a feed. But it feels like a milestone.

For a while now I've been wondering how and when to drop this last feed. We only dropped to one feed a couple of weeks ago and I didn't want to rush it, especially as the old tetters get a little uncomfortable for the first couple of days. I was thinking that maybe it would just happen when my parents visit in July as there'll be so much else going on.

Then it struck me that I'm having my wisdom teeth out next Friday and I can't breastfeed on the really strong painkillers they'll give me. I figured it would probably happen then... but was also nervous about leaving it until then. The last thing you need when recovering from surgery with a sore swollen face is an angry, demanding toddler climbing all over you trying to rip your shirt off.

The last two days she has been in a gorgeous mood (when not screaming because she isn't getting her way, of course) and yesterday she didn't want to come home from daycare. It's only the second time that's ever happened. She's just getting over a bad bout of teething and nappy rash where she's been a bit clingy so this was a refreshing change. I was able to get her home and actually prepare some dinner whilst she sat reasonably quietly and had a snack. I really expected to have to stop what I was doing and breastfeed her but she was fine.

After her dinner she went in the bath and was still in a great mood. Then we had a change table tantrum. They're quite commonplace at the moment. She just really doesn't want to lie down and put her nappy on. Last night I actually put it on whilst she was standing up. Not easy. It was getting late so I decided to take her to brush her teeth instead of feeding her, fully expecting to have to then breastfeed her and clean her teeth all over again.

But no, she went to bed with no problems. Well, she cried a bit but she's having a little bit of separation anxiety. I almost always have to pick her back up out of her cot and give her a lovely long squeezy cuddle. It's a good thing for both of us and not surprising as we're apart so much these days. The initial placing of her into the cot just lets her know that it's bedtime and I'm leaving soon. Then she stands up and demands a cuddle. She'll still stand and cry after I've put her back again but I left anyway and after a few moments she settled and went to sleep.

She didn't wake up in the night and she didn't ask for a breastfeed this morning.

It has now been about 45 hours since I last breastfed her. I wonder whether we'll ever do it again.

Bubble bath

We've been having some fun bath times the past few nights. Phoebe has been in an absolutely adorable mood. Of course, she has the typical toddler split-personality and turns into Mr Hyde as soon as she's out of the bath and I'm trying to put her nappy on. But let's focus on the good stuff.

We've been singing lots of songs in the bath. She likes "Old MacDonald had a farm". They must sing it at daycare. She says "E-I-E-I-E-I" and that's my cue to start singing. (Or maybe she's just practising her Geordie language skills for when Nana and Grandad visit next month: "Eeh aye! Eeh Aye!" I'm just waiting for her to throw "man", "like" or "hadawayanshite" on to the end of it.)

So I sing Old MacDonald and she joins in with the "E-I" bit. I asked her what was on the farm.

"Baby," she said.

Novel idea. Farming babies. But I went with it. "Wah wah here, wah wah there." You get the picture.

Next verse. What's on the farm Phoebe?

"Baa baa," she said.

Excellent! A sheep. Now this is something I can work with. "Baa baa here..." etc. Phoebe joined in with the baa baas.

What's next, Phoebe. What's on the farm?

"Baby!"

Another baby. Okay. Wah wahs again. Next?

"Baby!"

Apparently there were four babies and a baa baa on the farm.

Another song we like to sing is one from her Gymbaroo CD. It goes,

"The grandfather clock goes tick tock tick tock.
The kitchen clock goes tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock.
All the little watches go tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick."

Each clock gets progressively faster. Phoebe sings along to the tick tocks and sways from side to side in time, which results in much manic bopping by the time we get to the little watches. We sang that song on the bike on the way home from daycare yesterday and I nearly toppled over when she started lunging left and right.

So, anyway, we were in the bath - well she was. I don't bath with her anymore on account of trying to wean her and her tendency to launch herself at my breasts whenever she sees them. So she was in the bath and we were having a jolly old time. She was standing up, so excited was she at our little sing-along. Then she let rip a little botty burp. She looked at me with a little smile on her face. I tried to keep a poker face. Next thing she let rip a proper fart. Had a little giggle at herself. I tried very hard to maintain my poker face but jeez it was funny. Then another louder fart and a proper belly laugh from Phoebe this time. Well, I couldn't help myself and had to have a little giggle along with her. Then she squatted down into the water, farted again and made bubbles. You can only imagine how hilarious we both found this.

So there we were laughing away, oh isn't it funny when Phoebe farts, when all of a sudden she pooed. Apparently it wasn't funny any more. She turned around to see what had happened. It broke up in the bath water and then she did another one. She was surrounded by tiny little floaters and completely freaked out. Full on tears and she was practically climbing up the side of the bath trying to get out. Funny girl. That's the second time she's pooed in the bath and lost it. One can only hope this means she'll be easy to toilet train. Or perhaps just completely inconsolable whenever she has a little accident.

Working Mother: Weaning

So, we're sort of weaning.

I say "sort of" because there's no plan as such, we're not going cold turkey and we're trying to fit it into our lives, which sometimes means feeding when perhaps we don't need to.

For a while now I've been meaning to follow the La Leche League advice of "Don't offer, don't refuse" but on work day mornings this always seems too hard. I just want to feed her and then get on with getting ready otherwise there's a chance she'll decide she wants to feed when I'm sitting in the car and about to drive off. Technically, it shouldn't really matter as by then I'm out of there and it's someone else's problem. But there's nothing worse than leaving your child crying in someone else's arms.

There have been a few mornings when she's had breakfast and then either asked for a breastfeed (using her milky sign) or I've just given her one out of habit and to avoid the aforementioned situation. Which, incidentally, has never actually happened other than in my head.

Yesterday, however, I decided to risk being late and just see what would happen if I didn't offer her a feed. We were sitting having breakfast and Toby's mum was putting Phoebe's lunch bag together. Phoebe saw her get her milk ready and indicated that she'd like some. She drank about 1/3 of a cup! And then she didn't ask for a feed. So I went to work without giving her one.

When I picked her up she'd just woken up from a nap and was quite refreshed. I gave her a rusk to chomp on and she was quite happy until shortly after we got home and she started to fret. She has a funny cry that she makes that's a cross between her excited laugh-noise (she also makes this when we're hunting for Diggedy, her favourite toy, or when she's just about to brush her teeth) and the milky cry she had as a newborn. She just kept making this noise, and, trying to follow the LLL advice I kept saying "Use your signs, Phoebe. Tell Mammy what you want." She was obviously getting frustrated so in the end, knowing darn well what it was that she wanted, I fed her.

Still, I was proud of the fact that we'd missed our morning feed. She didn't have a bedtime feed that night either, which is quite normal for Wednesdays as I go to Zumba and Toby gets her ready for bed.

Then last night, she woke at 1.30am and asked for milk, using her sign this time. I fed her and she still played up a bit but I went back to bed and she settled after a minute or so.

This morning she asked for milk again so I fed her before work. I'd already slept in and ended up being almost an hour late. This work thing is really starting to become hard but I'm scared to resign because we'll be poor.

Anyway, the weaning thing will obviously be a bit up and down - on Monday she asked for milk at lunchtime and had three feeds! There are clearly going to be times that she wants a bit extra and there'll be times when she's tired and frustrated and won't ask for it properly so I'll have to effectively offer it to her. And there'll be times when I'm tired and not thinking straight and I feed her when I probably don't need to. For example, this morning I could have offered her milk from a cup before breastfeeding her.

But yesterday was the first time she'd ever had just one feed in a day. If you can really count it as only being one, given that she woke in the night. And, if it makes me late for work or tired, well, they're just going to have to deal with that then, aren't they?

I'll miss our breastfeeding relationship. As I've said before, it's so special and intimate and is unique to a mother and her child. It's one aspect where a mother can't be replaced even if she's at work and other people are looking after her child. But I think it's about time for us to let it go. We're settling into our work-daycare routine (even if some days are harder than others), she's 14 months, which is a great length of time to have been breastfed, especially as it'll probably be another few months before we've fully stopped. Plus, some days she just mucks around and I think she just has the feed out of habit. I suspect by the time we actually stop I'll be more than ready. And hopefully, so will she.

Night walking

Well this is a first.

I'm writing this at 7.30pm at night whilst pushing Phoebe around the block in her pram in an attempt to get her to sleep. I have no idea whether or not this is the right thing to do with a 14 month old but as Toby is tutoring at uni tonight I had no one to bounce ideas off.

Phoebe has been a bit all over the place since we visited the in-laws for Easter. Whilst there she slept well at night but did not want to nap during the day. One night I had to sit with my hand on her back til she fell asleep. Since we got home she has started the transition to 1 sleep (more on that later), sleeping well during the day but then struggling (read screaming) to sleep at night. I think that she's possibly a bit overtired by bedtime due to her changing daytime sleep routine. But just to confound matters she now has a cold which seems to be irritating the hell out of her.

So tonight I had to assume that's what was keeping her up. I felt cruel otherwise. Hence the walk.

Anyway. It's worked and we're home. The question remains: now what?


Written with BlogPress Lite for iPhone.

Photos: Easter weekend at Nan's

I just wanted to share a few photos I took with my iPhone this weekend. Phoebe had a wonderful time staying at Nan and Grandpa's house with her big cousins, Zoe and Kielana. There was always something exciting happening and she just loved the Easter Egg Hunt, although she was lucky to find anything with her super-fast cousins around.

Because there was so much going on at the house Miss P just did not want to sleep during the day. Eventually I resorted to the age old method of walking around with the pram. It occurred to me that it was the first time I'd seen her asleep in months. Apart from in the car where gravity makes her look a bit Winston Churchill:

Written with BlogPress Lite for iPhone.

Working Mother: She knows the drill

Phoebe seems to be getting used to our new routine of me going to work on Tuesdays whilst she stays at home with Daddy. This morning she could obviously tell it was a Tuesday by the fact that I was pottering around getting ready, wearing work clothes and putting on jewellery and make-up. As I came out of the bedroom she waved goodbye to me. Super cute.