I like boys

I just stumbled across this unpublished post from a few months ago and thought it deserved publishing.

The other day when we were driving home from daycare I asked Miss Chief what she'd been doing that day.

"Dinosaurs. And Dress Ups."
"Who did you play dinosaurs with?" I asked.
"Thomas. And Liam."
"And who did you play dress ups with?"
"Nate."
"Kate?"
"No."
"Who?"
"Nate."
"Oh Nate."
"Yes. And Sai."
"Sai?"
"Yes."
"There's a boy called Sai at daycare is there?"
"Yes."
"So you played with Thomas, Liam, Nate and Sai? All boys? Did you play with any girls today?"
"No."
"Just boys?"
"Yes."
"Boys are fun, aren't they?"
"Yes."
And after a pause she added, "I like boys."
"Me too."

The babysitter

A few weeks back my boss asked me if I could work one extra day a week until Christmas. From home, if I so wished.

Being the dutiful and enthusiastic employee that I am I told him, "not on your nelly mister. I'm a full-time mother when I'm not at work." Which makes me wonder whether I'm a part-time mother when I am at work. How does that work? Full-time stay-at-home mums are full-time mums. But mothers who work part-time are still full-time mums. No wonder we feel so stressed and busy all the time. And what about those women who work full-time and are full-time mums? I'm not saying one situation is better than the other, or that one lot have it easier than the others. All I'm saying is how can you be a part-time mother? You're either a mum or you're not. Unless you only get the kids on the weekend, which is kind of part-time. Either way, I'm happy with my lot. I don't think I could be a full-time anything (stay-at-home mother, employee) whilst also being a full-time mum.

But back to my story. Of course I didn't say that to my boss. I was just checking you were paying attention. No, I told him I'd love to help out. After thinking long and hard all weekend about how I was going to fit it in, of course.

Well, therein lies the challenge. There are a lot of other things going on in my life right now, not least Christmas and lounge room renovations and some other exciting things that I will no doubt blog about very soon. I was just about fitting all my chores into Phoebe's sleep time. How now to also add an extra 8 hours of work a week?

Firstly, I employed my cleaner for an extra hour a week to do various jobs, like any laundry or ironing that I haven't got to, wiping down the leather lounge suite, emptying the bins, putting the groceries away, cleaning the kitchen and putting Phoebe's clothes away. She only ever stays for an extra half hour (and charges me accordingly) so this has been a massive help.

So that got rid of a lot of boring domestic chores that she can do whilst I take Phoebe to swimming. Then I pondered whether I should get someone else to look after Phoebe for a while. I didn't want to pack her off to daycare for an extra day. I think 3 days is quite enough and I really enjoy our morning activities. Grandparents were out as Grandpa was embedded in his work and Nan was committed to picking Phoebe's cousins up from school at the times I would want her looked after.

So I asked around for a babysitter and a friend recommended a rather lovely lady by the name of Louisa. She came to see us the very next day and we both thought she was very nice. She then went on holiday for a while and finally came to do her first babysitting job for us this week.

I was a bit worried about how it was all going to go. Phoebe had been acting most peculiarly for the last couple of days. She was a bit whingy and clingy and I wasn't at all sure what was going on with her. At swimming that morning she'd refused to do a lot of the activities and whinged whenever her head went under the water. And then having coffee afterwards she sat on the floor next to the toys staring at some other customers with a glazed expression on her face before lying face down on the cold ground. And she wasn't eating much either.

But I decided to get Louisa along anyway and to play it by ear so that Phoebe could get used to the new, if temporary, routine. Well what a surprise. Once we were all settled in I got a full 1 1/2 hours of work done WITH NO INTERRUPTIONS! I was amazed. I wasn't sure how it would go with us all being in the house. I thought Phoebe would pester me and whinge but she had a great time playing with Louisa and showing her all her toys. I popped my head in now and then to give her bits of food and they went out to the shops for a while. But all in all it was a resounding success. We shall see what next week brings.

Phoebe, Party Princess

Last weekend we successfully took Phoebe to her first grown-up's party since she was a baby. It went a lot better than I expected and I was very proud of her.

We went over to Straddie (North Stradbroke Island) on Saturday for a wedding on Sunday. The weather wasn't the best for an island break, with rain alternating between torrential and drizzle, and winds of up to almost 70 kph. After settling in on Friday we visited the "party house" where most of our friends were staying. There were quite a few people there and I thought Phoebe might be a bit shy but she was in her element. It probably helped that we'd bumped into a few people on the ferry, including Mindy who came in our car to the other side of the island. By the time we arrived Phoebe was quite taken with her. She spent the evening flitting around the lounge room, eating crisps (and refusing dinner) and getting lots of attention as she was the only child there. We took her home in time for her usual bedtime of 7pm but it took her a while to wind down. It didn't help that there was no bath. She was a bit restless and I had to get her up again and give her a bit more to eat, then there was a bit of crying until eventually at 7.45pm she fell asleep.

At 10.30pm just as we were dropping off she had a coughing fit and woke up crying. We couldn't get her to settle again. Clearly waking in an unfamiliar room to the sound of wind howling round the third floor windows - and pretty spooky it sounded too - was freaking her out, understandably. It took us 2 hours to get her back to sleep and by then I think she passed out from sheer exhaustion.

Nevertheless she was in a pretty good mood the next day. We popped back to the party house to say hi, and Phoebe was a social butterfly again. We went for a drive to Brown Lake where we were going to walk but Phoebe fell asleep in the car, and besides the walking track looked impassibly swamped. Then we took her on a walk around the gorge, no mean feat in those conditions and there were spots where Toby had to carry Phoebe to prevent her being blown over. Once back at the house she settled down for a decent sleep, finally comfortable enough with her surroundings.

Then we took her to Sam and Christie's wedding. She was less lively there due to all the people although by the time the ceremony kicked off she was running around picking shells from the tables and loudly pointing out all the things she knew names of. I missed a lot of the ceremony due to that and being stuck behind people taller than me. What I did see was lovely though.

We managed to keep Phoebe out til gone 9pm, which we were amazed at. Apart from a temporary obsession with the wooden staircase she was remarkably easy to entertain. Of course there were lots of people happy to entertain her (and photograph her) for us. She spent some time throwing flower petals over the head of a little boy the same age as her, which was very cute. We took a glo-stick, balloons and a little pull out couch for her to play with. By the time of the speeches Toby and I were sitting on the floor with her and she was having a great time. Every time there was laughter and clapping she'd leap up onto her feet, screeching and clapping.

We were saying goodbye to the bride, who was downstairs preparing coffee, when Phoebe spotted a tray full of treats. I made the mistake of giving her one to keep her quiet. Then Christie suggested that they cut the cake before the people with kids had to leave so we decided to stay for that. In the meantime the treat tray moved to a table that Phoebe could reach and she parked herself next to it and proceeded to ram chocolate wafers into her mouth. Obviously I put a stop to that and the tantrum I'd been expecting for two hours erupted.

Needless to say we missed the cutting of the cake and unfortunately the cake disappeared and we didn't get any. Everyone kept telling us how lovely it was too. Very disappointing. The things we sacrifice for our children.

I kept waiting all weekend for the payback of keeping Phoebe up but it didn't happen. She went straight to bed that night, woke up coughing again but went straight back to sleep after I gave her a quick cuddle, had a nap in the car the next morning and a good sleep in her cot that afternoon.

We invited friends over for a bbq the following night as we thought it would be better to keep her at home and it was nice for us not to have to rush off to get her to bed. James and Melissa came around with their 4 month old baby, George and Phoebe was obsessed with him. She kept pointing at him saying 'baby, baby, baby' over and over and over again. Then she just wanted to be right up close to him, cuddling him, kissing him and touching his face. It was quite exhausting trying to stop her from being too rough with love.

She was a good girl going to bed that night too and has been well behaved ever since. I'm so proud of her and really enjoying her company these days. She's growing up so quickly. She's no longer a baby. She's now my little girl.

Theory of Mind

Amelie came around to play today.

We haven't seen her for a few weeks. Last time she visited she zipped around the house using Phoebe's ride-on car as a walker. Lucie followed excitedly exclaiming it was the furthest Amelie had walked. Now it's her favourite thing and she's pretty adept at it although she's yet to take her first solo steps.

Phoebe and Amelie are developing a lovely friendship. At lunch they wave at each other from across the table and end the meal by yelling loudly together. Admittedly today it did seem to be Phoebe doing all of the yelling. She was apparently very excited about having her little friend come to visit.

After lunch they had a play.

Lucie sat Amelie in the ball pool. She wasn't too sure about it. Phoebe loves the ball pool. It's one of those sandpit clams that you can put sand in one half and water in the other. She likes to throw balls from one half to the other then climb into the other side and throw them back. Then she climbs back to the first side and rolls around. Eventually she lays back abd body surfs the balls which end up spilling out and rolling all over the floor.

Phoebe was obviously thrilled to have a friend to play with in the pool and climbed in to join Amelie. But as the balls started to move around Amelie freaked out and started to cry. Phoebe stopped and watched Amelie closely. She seemed acutely aware that her movements in the pool were upsetting her.

Later, Amelie practised her walking with the ride-on car. Again, Phoebe got very excited at the opportunity to share her toys with a friend. How I hope this behaviour continues through toddlerhood. Phoebe grabbed the seat of the ride-on car. I'm not really sure what her intention was. Did she want to sit on the seat whilst Amelie pushed, or was she helping Amelie push it? Either way both children were playing with the same toy and Amelie couldn't get on with the business of walking. Which is a very serious business for a 10 month old. She got very frustrated and the tears came again.

Phoebe stopped what she was doing and hugged Amelie.

It was so cute but it was also evidence that my little baby is developing theory of mind. This is a big milestone in social and pyschological development. Baby girls show empathy as young as 6 months old, when they cry in response to other babies crying. Phoebe's behaviour demonstrated an ability to empathise, and to understand cause and effect. She could see that what she was doing was upsetting Amelie so she stopped. She has also learnt that when she is upset we cuddle her and it makes her feel better and so she hugged Amelie, presumably to help to make her feel better.

From the limited reading I have done, Phoebe seems remarkably young to be developing such skills. I do wonder to what extent her time at daycare has helped her social development. Certainly being in the company of other children and learning how to behave in social situations must be a contributing factor. Some of it is also her personality. She has always been the kind of baby who likes to play with others, in as much as such a young child is capable of playing with others. Unfortunately, the other children generally prefer to play alone and quite often squeal at her when she attempts to play with the same toys.

This is a fascinating period of development and, as Phoebe was a bit fussy a week or two ago, I checked out whether she was in a wonder week. Sure enough, she is just emerging from Wonder Week 55: The World of Programs. I still haven't read the book, although I'd love to. It seems expensive and the local libraries don't have a copy. Previously I have always managed to find a mum who had blogged about it but not this time. There are mentions of it but no one has gone into detail on the skills acquired during this phase. From what I can gather, following the previous period of learning about sequences ("this happens then that happens"), this is more about cause and effect, if-then (speaking my language now), that is, "if this happens then that happens. But if this happens than something else happens". This certainly seems to fit in with the understanding Phoebe was demonstrating yesterday.

First laugh

I've been writing another post for days and as we're taking Phoebe away for the first time today (to visit her Australian family) I probably won't get it finished today either. But I just had to log on and say that two nights ago Phoebe laughed for the first time. It wasn't really a giggle or a chuckle but it was an extremely wide-mouthed smile accompanied by noise during bathtime in response to seeing Mammy tipping water over her head (how hilarious that adults start referring to themselves in the third person when they have a baby; and they also start calling their partners by the incredibly unsexy names of Mummy and Daddy).

I think she had also laughed at Gymbaroo earlier that day during the Hokey Cokey (referred to here as the Hokey Pokey, which I just can't get used to; it sounds a bit rude to me). She really wasn't in much of a mood for Gymbaroo and protested at all the tummy time exercises (which was most of them) but she absolutely loved the Hokey Cokey, particularly the bit where everyone walks into the centre of the ring. I could hear her shouting and making noises and judging by my friend's reaction she was clearly enjoying it so I'm assuming she was smiling. Smile + noise = laugh in my opinion.

So, just for the record: First laugh on 6th May aged 11½ weeks.

Can't wait for the giggles to commence now.

Baby talk

I witnessed Phoebe interacting with another baby for the first time at the Community Health Centre parenting workshop on Thursday.

We were having a talk about first aid by a lady who used to work for Queensland Ambulance. I'm glad I did a couple of first aid courses last year because this woman was exceptionally difficult to listen to. Not only did she have a lisp but she also had an annoying pitch of voice, a strong accent and a drawl with pauses in strange places. I found it very difficult to concentrate on what she was saying especially after a young mum called Kerry placed her baby girl, Zoe on the mat next to Phoebe. Zoe is a few weeks older than Phoebe, around 13 weeks old I think. Before long they were aware of each other and looking at one another. Then they started exchanging smiles and reaching out towards one another. They seemed absolutely fascinated. When one looked away from the other, her little friend would coo and gurgle in an attempt to get her attention drawn back to her. It was very cute.

Gymbaroo was a lot of fun on Wednesday. Phoebe and her two friends from my ante-natal class, Hugo and Julian were the youngest babies there. The class is directed at non-mobile babies so most of them are a few months older than Phoebe. When they start crawling they graduate to the mobile baby group. There were a lot of activities, which were kept short in order to maintain the babies' interest. I was concerned that it mightn't fit in with Phoebe's cycle but she did really well.

They have a lot of equipment you can use, mainly to promote body awareness but the bulk of the class is teacher-led with the babies lying on mats and mums kneeling next to them in a circle. They had tummy time, we sang songs and patted their little bodies in time to the music, we danced around in a circle singing and swinging the babies around and up and down, massaged them by rolling sticks up and down their bodies and waved various toys in front of them.

There is also a theme of a week to introduce them to the idea of symbols and get their eyes tracking from left to right in preparation for learning to read. We were given scrap books with a word written on one side (in this case, "red") which is flashed in front of the bub for one second (any longer than that and they break the word into pieces and stop seeing it as a cohesive whole); on the other side is a picture representing the word (i.e. a red square), which we hold up to the left of the baby's head and move it towards the right repeating the word. They suggest getting your partner to hold the baby's head whilst you do this to encourage their eyes rather than their head to move.

All of the activities are encouraged to be tried at home, so for example they suggest pointing out red things for the rest of the week then slowly introducing them to next week's theme (blue) and taking in a blue object to the class. I got a little over-excited and collected three blue toys for Phoebe's "treasure bag" as they call it. One really useful thing I learned was that during tummy time I should roll Phoebe from her back to her tummy, rather than picking her up, turning her over and putting her back down, and the same in reverse when she's had enough. This is so that she can get the idea of rolling from back to front and be able to do it herself.

We've had a few more "sleep-throughs" and most nights we have at least one 8 hour stretch now. Of course last night was the exception. We'd let her get a bit over-tired and had friends over for dinner so she ended up going to bed a bit earlier than usual. I decided to try another "dream feed" before I went to bed at 10pm but I admit I was sceptical as every time I've tried it in the past she's still woken up at the time I would expect her to without the extra feed, in this case 3am. Sure enough, she woke up for another feed at 3am and not only that but she woke again at 5am. I think I'll let the 8 hour sleeps get a bit more established before I try another dream feed.